What you're about to read is an e-mail that I got recently that I thought I should share with the rest of you, an e-mail that proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that people are as crazy as you let them be. Of course, I couldn't just let this delusional man's comments go unanswered, so you can find my response right afterwards.


To: stonedog@geocities.com
Subject: Your recent attacks upon the person of Faile
Date: Mon, 03 Aug 1998 21:45:19 PDT

Mr. Stonedog,

I am writing on behalf of the Members Association of Submissive, Obedient, and Cringing Humans Encouraging Stimulating Torture with Sex (M.A.S.O.C.H.E.S.T.S.)

Ok, the name of my organization is not the best, and is not correctly spelled, but most of my members are illiterate so I thought I could make a few allowances in the name of 'poetic license'. This letter is being sent to you on behalf of Masochists everywhere. We are outraged at the extreme hatred you have shown towards Faile, currently the wife of Perrin GoldenEyes. We feel that this undue agitation you show at her behavior is due to a prejudice you have against sadistic women and the masochistic men who love them. We feel that Perrin has EVERY RIGHT to enjoy torture in all forms during sexual intercourse if that is his desire. Though he has not yet admitted to his masochistic tendencies we believe he is one of us, and therefore have taken it upon ourselves to defend him. I, for one, applaud Faile and her handling of her blacksmith husband. Jealousy is quite a turn-on for many people, and I must say that I find that trait in Faile EXTREMELY attractive. In fact, I would have to say in all of the world she is my favorite female (character). Getting to the point, we feel that you should cease these attacks against the reputation of Faile. She IS of royal blood, and should she press charges you will undoubtedly come under serious fire and most likely lose everything you hold dear. Not to mention the wrath of Perrin GoldenEyes and his newly formed country.

A friendly warning Mr. Stonedog...do not mess with the M.A.S.O.C.H.E.S.T.S. We may get beaten down, but we ALWAYS come back for more.

Ravriem Streathe,
President of M.A.S.O.C.H.E.S.T.S.
Founding Member

Dear Mr. Streathe:

It is difficult to know what to say to someone who is so obviously comfortable with the sensations of pain. Even if I insulted you with the kind of acid wit not heard since the cancellation of 'Married With Children', I suspect that you would enjoy the humiliation and degradation that would result.

I do not doubt that Perrin in some strange and hopeless fashion enjoys being the subject of Faile's tempestuous rages. It just seems odd that with an attractive young lady like Berelain all racked up and ready to play like a snooker game waiting for her trusty pool cue, why would he waste his time with Faile? At the very least, if he really was a masochist, wouldn't he be trying to arrange some sort of menage a trois? The value of the catfight alone would be worth whatever price he'd have to pay later on.

Your threats, quite frankly, do not worry me, since as masochists, you prefer receiving pain over inflicting it. Your statement that Faile is of Royal Blood is hardly worth mentioning; her country couldn't even keep Mazrim Taim under lock and key, so I highly doubt that I'll wake up one morning to find that the Saldaean farmgirl that seduced me the night before is actually a somewhat well-paid assassin (compared to Altaran assassins, who'll do the deed for a couple of chickens and a handful of beets).

As for Perrin, he would most likely prefer not to talk about Faile and her jealous tendencies; his is a private ordeal, and not one to dwell on publicly. Or privately.

If you like to be humiliated by women, that's fine. I don't care. I'm simply not going to stand by and watch a good man crumple to dust because his wife doesn't trust him enough to lead a battle charge without Berelain showing him a place to sheathe his sword.

I wish your M.A.S.O.C.H.E.S.T.S. organization all the best... or should that be, all the worst? As for myself, I prefer a significant other that uses a belt for holding up pants.

Yours insincerely,

StoneDog